Thursday, December 15, 2011

Classic Rock

Lately I've been waking up thinking "Whoa, what a strange dream!" Even lay there for a moment to remember it. But by the time I eat breakfast I can't recall it all.

I was thrilled to stumble upon a dream I recorded in Facebook in 2009. Since no one read it (or at least commented on it) then I figured it would feel right at home here too.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Ticked Off Nightmare

I went to Myrtle's preschool to play with her during her outdoor time. While rolling around with her on the grass she was called back in. Still sitting on the grass I waved bye to her then I scratched behind my ear and felt something like a big pimple and squeezed it. I looked at my finger tips and it was not a pimple, rather a tick.
I started feeling all around my face, there was another tick burrowing its way into my temple that I was able to get out. Quickly I noticed there were other sore spots that ticks had already concealed themselves under my skin. I started to become paralyzed, at first it felt like only fear was paralyzing me. But, then I couldn't move or speak, only listen and watch.

Two preschool teachers who watched this ordeal decided it was best to remove me from the yard and dragged me into a room in the basement. I laid there on a table as they discussed whether on not to tell Faith what happened. One of them said, "He already had cancer, so there's no point to tell her ticks killed him." The other agreed and they walked out of the room.

Sweet dreams.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Detective Work and a Fist Fight

I'm trying to figure out why the alarm went off in a gated self-storage business in the middle of the night. I see a young woman but can't run because of my hip, so my boss appears and starts chasing her. The young woman was too fast and escapes climbing up a fence.

My boss and I walk around to see where the young woman was hiding,  during this an electrician joins us. I lie down on the ground to open up a storage unit, I for some reason stay on the ground and examine the storage unit. It is filled to the top with boxes and luggage. I notice someone eyes peering through the some luggage. We open it to find another young woman who is living there, it was her visiting friend who set off the alarm when she left. We find out that she's a runaway and been there for years. Now the electrician's mother-in-law is there, she takes the young woman with her.

Now I am alone, I continue to walk around and see a car coming to leave through the gate. Somehow I know it's a drunk driver,  so I stand in front of the gate to stop him driving the streets. He gets out of his car yelling at me and we begin to fight. We fist fight until he sobered up, then I let him go.

Sweet dreams.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Scouting for Investment Partners

I'm traveling up and down Vancouver Island on a Greyhound bus. As people come on and off I try to get them to invest in gum ball vending machines. After a long time of rejection a short, large, 80 year old man with a pencil thin mustache shows some interest. I tell him that if he joins me that in solidarity I too will grow a mustache. He turns around in his seat covering his face then turn around without his mustache. He says nothing, but I know it was his way to show me how much he wants to invest. Excited about our business partnership I look at the window to watch fields and fields of peacocks and miniature horses.

Sweet dreams.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Mitt Romney + Chaz Bono = Frenemies?

I'm in a bar at a Republican "town meeting" for two time candidate Mitt Romney. There are loads of cameras and press there. I'm standing near the front and Mitt comes out with his ever present smile and starts talking only to be interpreted by Chaz Bono (Cher and Sonny Bono's daughter who recenlty got a sex change).

Chaz is sitting down wearing a western cowboy outfit and starts asking questions about Mitt's views on gay, transgendered people. Mitt tries to answer, but Chaz just talks over him and begins going off about being a "born this way". That's when Mitt can't take anymore.

While keeping his smiles he yells at her "That's the point, you WEREN'T born that way!" A bunch of loggers stand up and applaud politely. Mitt becomes so furious that his skin turn silver.

A news reporter interrupts and says "The nomination from the Republican party came in. Mitt Romney won!"

Chaz and Mitt are all of sudden friends.

Sweet dreams.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Shopping for Faith's Birthday Gift at Superstore

I'm in Superstore (for the uninitiated, it's a grocery/clothing/seasonal items/kitchen appliances/et cetra store that's super) shopping for a watch for Faith's birthday. As I go down an aisle it quickly becomes a very swanky, exclusive, high end store with dim lighting and techno music. I realize that I came here by accident and that it was very important to not let the staff find out I don't belong in there.

A sales rep asks what I'm looking for and I tell her. She shows me a watch and necklace set, saying "You MUST get it for her, she can't be seen without it!" I look at the price and I knew I couldn't afford it and but I knew Faith MUST have this watch and necklace made from a bicycle chain.

So I go to the counter to pay with my bank card. Every time I go to type in my code I get a text message on the machine from my grandma Hazel and it cancels out the transaction. Unable to buy the bicycle chain watch and necklace I leave the swanky store ashamed,  but relieved I had an excuse to not buy it.

Sweet dreams.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Telling Each Other's Dreams

Faith now gets up at 5am so she can exercise before work and that means she goes to bed before me. When I went to bed at 10pm she says in that sleep babble "See, see." Then a moment later she continues, "See and see you're over there." I say nothing and repeat what I heard in my head so I don't forget.

As I'm getting back in bed from a bathroom break at 12:30am, Faith starts loudly saying as if she's scared "G - G - Ga - GA - Gross - Gross - GROSS! GROSS! GROSS! GROSS! GROSS!"

"Faith what's wrong?"

"Oh, it's just my imagination! I thought Myrtle was playing with poo." Faith sighed, then went back to sleep.

This morning when recounting last nights events. Faith got a chuckle, not so much remembering what happened with her, but telling me what I did later in the wee hours of the morning. Apparently I yelled or loudly said "Don't fall off the bed!" While grabbing for her.

I suppose we're both restless with Myrtle's first day of pre-school.

Sweet dreams.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Outkast, Cousins and Ice Cream

I walk in a large super market, I start walking around and soon I bump into my cousin Nathan. He's wearing a grocer smock and tells me he can get me ice cream from anywhere in the store and we can catch up at the grocery store's cafe.

I'm at the cafe sitting down at a table, my cousin Andrew is there too, but I don't see his face the whole dream. On both sides of the table there are posters of the rap duo Oukast. Nathan comes over with a chocolate ice cream cone. I start talking about how Andre 3000 and Big Boi are an amazing rap dou - together as Outkast, but apart their music is forgettable.

Then it comes to me like a stroke of genius, "Ice cream flavors are like Outkast, they need to come together! Nathan, go get me Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey, now! Before my ice cream melts!"

Nathan runs and quickly returns and I put my remaining chocolate ice cream in a bowl with the Chunky Monkey. Everything is really clear to me, I can hear the buzzing of the florescent tubes lighting the Outkast poster, my cousins are hanging on every word as I pontificate on how chocolate and banana are a marriage in ones mouth. I'm in the zone, life makes sense.

Then in real life my alarm goes off.

Sweet dreams.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

My Mom At a Talent Show

I'm in a gymnasium at a talent show, the lights are down and there's rock concert frenzy among the small sparse crowd. I'm right at the front pressed against the stage watching different acts do their talent, none of which I remember. After one act my mom walks on the stage with lots of swagger and confidence, like she owns the place. She sits down on a chair and pulls from behind it an acoustic guitar. Mom starts playing the guitar and whipping her hair back and forth to Iggy Pop's song Home. In my dream I'm surprised as much as I would be in real life.

Sweet dreams.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Liv Tyler and That Guy That Looks Like Joaquin Phoenix But Isn't

Most of us have Facebook friends that when they were added to your list of friends you thought "Oh good they accepted my request." or "How nice, s/he added me." Life moves ahead, you move away, marry and have a child. Whaddya know, so and so also moved on with life, marrying and having a child too. You comment on their life and they you. Before you know it you are better Facebook friends then you ever were real life friends.

Nothing weird about that, right? Right. But should you mention to them that you on Facebook that "you were in my dream last night" I'm betting things might get awkward. "Huh?" says friend out loud. Her husband says "What's with that weird look you on your face?" "This guy I barely knew from years ago told me 'you were in my dream last night'." Long pause, then he says "Wait until I find that creep!"

See how easily that can lead to unnecessary violence? Faith said to  change her name as somethings are best kept to ourselves. The dream isn't scandalous, but hearing "You were in my dreams" can be odd.

The dream....

In my dream "Katherine" shared a link on Facebook that I saw on my newsfeed about movie she liked. So I took her recommend, went to the theatre and watched it. I can see the movie poster in my head, with a white background standing the in center is Liv Tyler and a guy who looks like Joaquin Phoenix (but isn't Joaquin Phoenix). Their bodies are facing each other but their faces are looking straight ahead. No movie title.

I sit down and watch the movie. It's about the couple out of luck who sells the husbands childhood sports cards so they can afford to buy a house. The only problem it's only enough money to buy a house in Alberta. They move their with their black son, Jeffery.

Jeffery is having a rough time at school because everyone wants him to play basketball, thinking he'll be amazing since he's black. His parents have a serious heart to heart with him to understand why he won't join the team.

After a long pause he looks at Liv Tyler's character and says deep intense reflection "Basketball teams are like a boy bands without any singing."

Sweet dreams.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Telepathic Shoplifters

I'm in a dark Future Shop (think Best Buy or whatever electronic box store is in your area). It was dark like the Michael Keaton Batman movie. I was shopping there with my friend Mori, he was on one aisle and I on another. I see a big beautiful flat screen, the very one he has at home (in real life). I want it. Through telepathy I tell him I'm stealing it and for him to cover me. He does and we get out of the store.

Later I learn the police tracked where we lived and went to Mori's home first and saw that Mori had the same TV that was stolen. He was arrested and went to jail for four years. Talking with him through telepathy I thank him for not ratting me out. He responded "You're welcome, but... I'M NOT THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE IN HERE!!" "I know, you are such a good friend, thanks man." I replied.

Sweet dreams.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Fighting the Bully

I was shopping at the grocery store when some guy starts bullying me. While he makes fun of me he begins shoving me. I'm unable to speak, to move on my own, just frozen in fear. The bully leaves. I couldn't believe what happened, I was outraged!

I leave the store and find some bottles actors use on movies and TV that shatter very easily. I fill them up with root beer and place A&W labels on them. With the bottles I crouch behind a garbage can near the entrance of the grocery store, waiting for the bully to return.

I see him! I stand up and start throwing bottles at him one by one. He falls down in the ambush and I charge him with a bottle in each hand. Screaming like a warrior I smash each bottle on his head. Grabbing his shirt I yell in his face "DON'T YOU EVER BUG ME EVER AGAIN!"

Sweet dreams.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Cut From the Same Dream Cloth, My Cousin's Dream.

Last night cousin of mine sent me an email of her dream saying "I knew you'd be someone who could appreciate a good dream!"  I do appreciate a good dream, especially since I had a nightmare last night. Unless she asks me to use her and her hubby's name they shall remain nameless.

"I had a dream that my husband and I were in someone's basement apartment and he was sporting the craziest afro I have ever seen! It was HUGE. Suddenly we could hear meowing and couldn't for the life of us figure out where the sounds were coming from. Well, all of a sudden, he reached up and started pulling newborn kittens out of his afro and throwing them across the room...!!!! How bizarre is that?! LOL." 

It's a bizarrely sweet dream if you ask me. 

Sweet dreams.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Bono's Gift Sucks

Right now I'm reading a book my cousin Emily gave me years ago titled  Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas. I read it before falling asleep.

In my dream I was on a grassy knoll at a park with my one year old daughter Myrtle. We're playing on a picnic blanket. Bono comes by and says "Oh no! I forgotten Myrtle's birthday, I'll be right back." He never left, but right away produced a white plastic garbage bag with something in it and hands it to Myrtle. "Happy Birthday, it's for you!" he says behind his wrap around sunglasses.

Myrtle sitting down and pulls out of the bag these complex vacuum cleaner attachments. Now Bono is lying on his back on the grass with his legs crossed and his hands behind his head. As each attachment is pulled out he talks on and on about how wonderful the attachment is.

Sweet dreams.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Rachel's Laundry Day

My friends Rachel and Eric were over having a very swanky dinner party with us and we were playing board games at the same time. In my dream, as in real life, Rachel is pregnant and due any moment. During the dinner Eric didn't speak and only looked concerned. We all heard a cry from the laundry room and rushed over to it. Rachel opened the door to find that her baby had arrived in our laundry hamper.

Sweet dreams.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Lemonade and Drug Lords

I went to a remote island to live and beside my apartment building was a church where everyone who attended was outside of it socializing, drinking lemonade and eating snacks. Some of them saw me and invited me to go down and join them.

The church's bishop saw me and said "Maybe you can help me". He looked like the old sherif you see any movie, balding on top, big mustache and glasses on the tip of his nose or in his breast pocket. Next thing I knew I was wearing a suit inside the church with the bishop.

We were looking for a woman who had been hooked on drugs was being held hostage by drug lords who were using the church as a hide out. We found her in the foyer all high and strung out sitting on the ground. She had on her Sunday best and homemade prison tattoos. Bishop tried to talk her into leaving the church building, but when he did the drug lord's security team came out to take her away.

The bishop and I then tried to leave running down the hallways, however the halls just kept getting longer and longer the faster we ran. Each door we walked into was more of the drug lord's henchmen. Then we saw the drug lord and nervously walked past him and out the door and we were back out side to everyone socializing, drinking lemonade and eating snacks.

Sweet dreams!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Charity Concert with Bono

After a romantic dinner with my wife Ashley, I decided to go for a walk alone in our neighborhood which resembled the neighborhood my Aunt Merrily and Uncle Jim who live in Salt Lake City, Utah.

All of the sudden I was being chased by a customized Japanese import car, the kind you would find Vin Deisel or Paul Walker driving in the 2001 hit movie (in some circles) "Fast and the Furious". I ran through the Salt Lake City neighborhood and eventually after out running the fast and furious drivers in their car, I found myself taking refuge in a charity concert held by a local radio station.

The Place was set up in an old brick warehouse converted into a night club of some sort, a bar, a stage, and a dance floor. I stood at the back, only to find myself standing beside that nights guest star Paul David Hewson, more commonly known as "Bono". I took the opportunity to strike a conversation with him.

Just as a side note, most people are picturing Bono right now, wearing dark sunglasses, all black with a black jacket. Not the case at this charity function, he was wearing blue bell bottom jeans, a light T-shirt and a jean jacket, and to top him off a straw cowboy hat, one you would find at the Calgary Stampede.

Bono offered me good advice on relationships as we walked outside, through my elementary school yard and into a mall. After giving me a "" lanyard for me and Ashley, he started to walk faster and faster. I couldn't keep up with him..........

Sweet Dreams!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Dream Of Awesome!

My cousin Andrew and his wife Ashley sent me a book titled The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha. I've been reading a few pages everyday. Each page or so is an random small event that's awesome. For example, today's awesomeness I read was about how silence can be golden and customizing a fast food order. Other awesome things written of are being in the front of a long line-up or the moment you see your waiter bring you your food.

Last night in my dream I was reading from The Book of Awesome and found a secret photo section I never noticed in the book. I saw photo's of the author with my old friends from my school boy days, but there was this conspiracy vibe to the discovery. How did Neil Pasricha know all my old friends? Why did I never notice this photo section before? Is this a message for me?

The next thing I knew I was at a birthday party with faceless friends and elementary and junior high classmates that I didn't know super well then. Vitto was there (in real life I don't know that he knows this: during a snow ball fight with Russel in grade 8 he landed on my arm and broke it), so was Yanni and Chris Duncan. Vitto gave me gift certificates for a cell phone and $100.00 air time. I tried to thank him but he would't look at me walked out of the party.

Yanni gave me children's toys and said he'd go talk to Vitto, he left not to return.

Chris Duncan? Well, he just had a thin scraggly mustache one might see in a police sketch.

My faceless friends started talking religion, so I started reading from The Book of Awesome again to avoid the conversation. But the page I was reading was my friends very conversation.

To escape I went to a dam and jumped into the river and floated down for years. At its end I got on to shore and was welcomed by faceless family and friends to this forest community (like the Ewoks live in) surrounded by fields. Everyone kept saying how awesome this place was, how awesome they felt, everything was just awesome!

Sweet dreams.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Prosecuting Saddam Hussein

I woke up remembering an awesome dream and was happy that Faith and Myrtle were still asleep so I could blog about it. But as I got out of bed Myrtle woke, so while spending time with her I kept on trying to repeat the dream before it evaporated. Then Faith got up and said "I had the weirdest dream..." by the time she was done telling hers I forgot mine. Arhg!

But that got me thinking, there are two dreams I had years ago I still remember vividly as if it was lived today. One was a reoccurring dream for years I had in the early 2000's soon after the United States invaded Iraq.

I'm in a court room wearing a three piece suit prosecuting Saddam Hussein.  Saddam is sitting defense box by the judge, bearded and looking defeated as hears me ask "Wasn't it you who gassed your own people?!" "Where are the WMD's?!" and "What do you have to say for yourself?" These are the only things I would say and it was repeated over and over for effect. I said with all the disgust self righteousness I could muster,  acting as if the world was watching or I was a character in a John Grisham novel.

Saddam never answered, just sat there disheveled and beaten.

Sweet dreams.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Potluck Picnic

The sun was shining at the park as me and my twelve faceless friends got together for a potluck picnic. We all sat at a large round table in a grove of trees. As we all were talking each person one by one proudly brought out their potluck contribution.  However each thing looked gross to everyone, except to the person who brought it. For what seemed like an eternity we all passed around each others dishes of food trying not to take or eat anything that wasn't our own and not to offend everyone else. It was tricky and unsuccessful. Unfortunately, I was woken up before any food fight!

Sweet dreams.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Escaping Prince Charles

I was walking down the street with Prince Charles, he was in his "military" uniform and I was wearing the exact same uniform, but mine was a paisley print - pants were paisley too. Since I was a commoner, our conversation revolved around him trying to one up everything I said and did.

To prove he was tough he got a thumbtack and started pricking his chest with it then squeezing out his blood. This freaked me out and I tried to escape him which resulted in a struggle. I finally got away and ducked into an optometrist shop, but Prince Charles was able to nab my glasses.

In the shop there was a radio announcing someone had escaped Prince Charles and was missing their glasses; so everyone in there was on the lookout for someone who couldn't see .

The optometrist and his employees were all apart of some weird religious cult. In there I see my friends James and Rachel and somehow I was able to help them get out of there, but I remained stuck.

In the shop suspicions grew that I was the one that escaped Prince Charles, so the optometrist/cult leader forced me to take an eye exam. I prayed that I would pass the exam and I did. This shocked everyone there but I was let go after I attended some youth group prayer séance.

Sweet dreams.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Arsenio and I

I was on a train going through a forest with friends, but I don't recall their faces, and a talking green frog named Arsenio. The train past by people's homes that were giving gifts at surprise party's. The surprised people was getting a lot of gifts. So much that they were shaking their head as if saying this is too much. But the hosts said that it wasn't all from them. It wasn't, it was from Arsenio the frog and I.

Sweet dreams.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Celebrity Hatrick

Last week on our drive to the hospital Faith asked if I had any dreams. I three and all three had celebrities.

Faith and I were house hunting and saw one on the side of a mountain we drove up to it and walked in. It was huge and there was many people inside acting pretty important and busy. We soon figured out it was Al Gore's house. Outside there was a detached guest house in the mountain. Al Gore comes in and says it's a basement suite that we could rent out for $600. A deal is made.

I'm about 10 years younger in a recording studio with my friend Mori, also 10 years younger. He's on the other side of the room doing something. Avril Lavigne walks in and they hug and she comes over to me. I tell her that she's talented but her songs just are too cheesy and she should write more mature songs. Avril agrees with my solid career advice and leaves. Then Mori freaks out at me saying I'm ruining her career, his career and all the work he's done.

I'm outside walking around storage units. I see there is a storage room door unlocked I open the door only to find another and open that, then open another and another and another. Finally inside is large dark room with old boxes. On the floor I see a mattress with several sleeping bags on it when all of a sudden a disoriented bearded shirtless Tom Cruise pops up and starts yelling at me. "How did you find me?! My agent said no one would find me here! I'm preparing for a role!!!"

Sweet Dreams.